Thankfulness as generosity

Another post on the many manifestations of danaparamita, the perfection of generosity.  

My mother has been suffering from major health problems recently.  After a month in a nursing home, I am extremely thankful that she is healthy enough to be home once more, thankful that she can be in a warm and cozy space, thankful that she can once again sit in her chair and look out over the narrow strip of water that separates Alameda and Oakland.  

I want to write about a moment of thankfulness that she shared with me while she was still in the nursing home.  We were sitting calmly together, and in a very sweet moment after reading a story, she expressed with great sincerity how lucky she felt and how thankful she was.  She acknowledged that things could easily have been much worse.  She was thankful for what she did have of her health.  And she was so, so thankful for all the love she had in her life. 

Her expression of thankfulness was a great gift to me because it opened a space for my own.  My inability to find work as a history teacher despite years of hard work and complete devotion to the teaching path had driven me into an incapacitating depression.  As she expressed thankfulness, deep in my own body I could feel how right she was.  Her expression allowed me to fully feel how much I had to be thankful for despite feeling so unacknowledged and unsuccessful.  Thankfulness didn't get rid of that suffering.  But it did put it in a larger perspective, in which it wasn't such a big deal.  In depression we have trouble seeing outside of our suffering, and by focusing on it, allow suffering to overcome us.  In thankfulness, we focus on what is beautiful in life.  Suffering is real, but it is only part of the story.  Thankfulness shows us the other part. 

Giving thanks is seeing things clearly.  It is being present with reality.  It is loving.  It is a skill we can cultivate, a spiritual technique, a practice we can use to offer ourselves a more expansive view.  Thankfulness is spiritual because it allows us to enter into a deeper, more subtle and more perceptive relationship to this world.  If we practice the spiritual technique of thankfulness with sincerity we will see more clearly and love more deeply.  Giving thanks may start as a mental activity, but the mental activity serves to allow the body to become thankful.  We can feel and express thankfulness in the way we sip tea or touch another human being.  I imagine that bodhisattvas are beings whose bodies express love and thankfulness in each moment, and whose expressions of love and thankfulness open doors for others to be loving and thankful as well. 

Thankfulness is a form of danaparamita because when we are thankful, we are being generous to all beings.  People who give sincere thanks together develop love together and become dharma sisters and brothers. 

Allowing others to fully approach to us

Buddhists have traditionally divided danaparamita, or the perfection of generosity, into two parts: the giving of physical objects that benefit other beings, and the giving of the dharma.  However, giving physical gifts should always involve giving the dharma because the spirit in which we give should embody the dharma, should embody selflessness, compassion, and wisdom.  The way in which physical gifts are given can be the true gift.

Generosity is often thought of as giving physically or of actively reaching out.  But there is also the great gift of receiving, of being available, of being approachable.  What does it mean to perfect approachability?  It does not mean spiritual charisma or energy that entices people to approach.  Approachability means cultivating a certain physical and psychological presence so that when people watch our body language, look into our eyes, or hear our tone of voice, they will understand that they are deeply accepted and safe with us.  This is not about the mind.  Our body communicates to their body that they are completely accepted.  Without reaching out at all, on the surface offering nothing, we can in fact offer everything.  In this way we can allow people to fully approach us.
 

Approachability is perfected when our body, speech, and mind reveal our true warmth and compassion for all beings, just as they are.  It is perfected when everything about ourselves shows to others that we do not wish they were different in any way.  In zazen we fully face and accept ourselves.  We learn to witness and care for what is true in ourselves.  This is training for witnessing and caring for what is true in the world rather than expending energy wishing that things were otherwise.  The body that wishes that things were otherwise, that does not totally accept other beings, will not be a fully approachable body and thus will not fully manifest danaparamita.  Perfecting approachability includes witnessing and caring for people who are cold and distant towards us.  Their distance need not be ours; their wish that things were otherwise need not be our wish.  We can offer warmth and remain approachable in all circumstances.  We can at least reflect on this matter and work towards this goal.

When we practice witnessing and caring for what is true in ourselves and the world, we become at home in ourselves and in our interconnectedness with the world.  As our new ino Kyosho Valerie Beer wrote today, "the purpose of meditation is to come home...  Dogen called zazen 'the full investigation of the homeward course.'"  We are home right here, we do not need anything to be different; in finding home we have transcended the acquisitive mind. Not needing the world to change for us allows others to be at home with us.  Thus zazen provides shelter for all beings.