Tired, peaceful zazen this morning at the temple. Went up to docusan (student/teacher meeting) to find my teacher was absent. Instead of rejoining zazen and staying for service, I decided that my early morning hours would best be spent at work. (I skipped Young Urban Zen last night for the same reason.) I'm teaching a full week on Buddhism in ancient India for some sixth graders next week, which still needs a lot of work, and some thesis work that was due a long time ago is still unfinished and needs to be done yesterday.
Leaving the temple and walking down the street in the cold morning dark, I found myself with curious and familiar feelings: that of feeling slightly guilty for leaving the zendo and not finishing zazen, even when this is clearly the best decision! I let myself be present with that feeling, and even while it remained, it felt good simply to be with the feeling of guilt rather than push it away as a silly feeling to have. It felt good and strong to be doing exactly what I was doing.
The moon seemed especially clear.
Got off the bart in San Leandro as the sunlight was brimming over the hills, which almost seemed translucent green in the new light. Now, coming up on three coffee shop hours creating the lesson my thesis will be based on, and about to introduce myself to the class I'll e working with next week for the Buddhism unit. A good morning, and a reminder that I can write this blog even if I only have a few minutes to work with.
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